Chapter Thirty Seven

Over the last five minutes, or thirty centuries, it was hard to tell, Cyrus had been whipped, boiled, stretched, beaten, broken, eaten, burned, poked, prodded, pinched, slapped, punched, violated in every conceivable way, left to rot, left to freeze and worse.

Worse was, of course, having to relive every painful memory without being able to do a damn thing about it, hearing himself utter words he’d wished he could take back, watching himself doing terrible things and being entirely powerless to stop any of it.

Nubbins was always present, but rarely involved in the actual torture and punishment. The little demon generally stood off to one side, looking extremely bored, ordering around another demon who did the actual dirty work. Cyrus may or may not have been interested to know that Nubbins was using him to show less experienced demons the ropes, but it didn’t matter because Cyrus did not, in fact, know that.

The current demon, who was busy trying to heat a propane torch in an intimidating way and failing miserably, did not seem to have the same aptitude for the job as the others had. Nubbins expected this one would likely get assigned to a desk in the pit, keeping track of punishments given, making sure everyone was thoroughly unhappy. He just didn’t seem to have a knack for torture, and the last attempt Nubbins had made at taking him along for field work had been a disaster. Instead of possessing and corrupting a young man of fourteen, he’d somehow managed to only convince the young man, and three of his friends, in the existence of Hell. All four of them swore right then they’d join a monastery as soon as they would be accepted.

Now Nubbins would have to go back and tempt them while they were monks.

The demon had finally managed to get the torch lit, and attempted a menacing laugh. He sounded less like an angel of Hell, and more like a thirteen year old role-playing nerd.

Cyrus was still suitably intimidated, because the demon did, after all, have a lit propane torch. The demon made a production of selecting a pair of tongs from the assortment lined up on the wall of the cave they were in. He finally selected a pair which came to a sharp point, good for tearing and twisting Cyrus’s skin.

Unfortunately, the demon somehow managed to get his hand in the way of the torch’s flame, and gave himself a nasty burn. It did not improve the smell of the room at all. Cyrus watched, mildly puzzled, as the demon hopped and danced around the room clutching his burned hand and cursing up a storm.

Nubbins sighed, said something Cyrus could not understand, and led the clutzy demon out of the cave. Cyrus was only alone for a moment, however, as Nubbins let in a few tiny, tiny demons with wings. They were maybe twelve inches tall, at the most. They were carrying spears, however, and kept Cyrus very occupied indeed by flying around him jabbing at his tender parts with their spears.

Cyrus was entirely unable to defend himself because he was tied to a stake in the middle of the room. The rope chafed his skin, and there were several patches where he’d been rubbed raw.

Despite the torture, Cyrus remained defiant. At least, as defiant as one can be while tied up in a hot cave while being prodded by action figure sized demons.

“I’m going to get my hands on you eventually, you little bastards,” Cyrus yelled.

The little demons laughed, and as one said, “No, you’re not.”

Eventually, once Cyrus was riddled with little punctures from the spears, the demons left him alone in the cave, still bound to the stake. He was hot, and he ached, and he was thirstier than he’d ever been.

He thought, if only I’d known it was this bad when I was preaching. I probably could have scared the money right out of those suckers’ pockets.

He was left alone for what seemed like years. Decades, even. He could feel his beard as it grew. He itched. He started to think his bonds were getting looser. It seemed his teeth were getting loose as well.

It did not occur to him that he had no body to degrade, even though he’d been tortured repeatedly, and instantly healed just in time to be tortured some more.

The heat grew more intense every moment as he stood in the cave. His thirst was unbearable.

The door to the cave opened, and Nubbins came in. He smiled a wicked smile at Cyrus, and untied him.

“Would you like some water?” Nubbins asked him. He pointed to a pitcher of crystal clear water near the door of the cave.

Cyrus took a huge, ragged breath and staggered towards the pitcher of water, imagining the joy of the clean water wetting his lips and cooling his parched throat.

A huge fist, seeming to come from nowhere, slammed into Cyrus’s jaw just as he’d been reaching for the pitcher. It sent him sprawling back across the room. Cyrus looked up to see a large demon step the rest of the way through the door.

The demon was very large. He was also quite muscular. And he was carrying a black, spiky, iron implement which the Reverend really did not want to contemplate the use of.

The most terrifying aspect of this demon, however, was his smile. Huge. Evil. Jagged. Pointy.

Cyrus had a small revelation then. What, he wondered, if Hep and Scroat had just been joking about the religion business?

Cyrus heard a voice inside his head say, “I am going to break you. Again, and again.”

Cyrus looked around on the floor of the cave for something to defend himself with, but there was nothing. Not even a pebble to bounce off the demon’s forehead.

Just then, Nubbins shouted something in the language of Hell to the larger demon. The big demon stopped smiling then.

“I am going to break you, later,” the voice inside Cyrus’s head said. The two demons left Cyrus alone in the cave then, locking him in once more.

“What do you mean someone has broken in?” the larger demon asked Nubbins as they both hurried towards the gates of Hell. “No one can break in to Hell. It’s impossible!”

“Sure they can, if they really want to. Hell is set up to keep souls in, not to keep things out,” Nubbins said. “Someone really wanted to get in, it seems. Hurry up.”

The pair of demons broke into a run, and were joined by many other demons. All of them were hurrying towards the gates.